The 213 Things Skippy Is No Longer Allowed To Do In The U.S. Army

Taken from Skippy’s blog:

The Skippy List

Explanations of these events:

a) I did myself, and either got in trouble or commended. (I had a Major shake my hand for the piss bottle thing, for instance.)
b) I witnessed another soldier do it. (Like the Sergeant we had, that basically went insane, and crucified some dead mice.)
c) Was spontaneously informed I was not allowed to do. (Like start a porn studio.)
d) Was the result of a clarification of the above. (“What about especially patriotic porn?”)
e) I was just minding my own business, when something happened. (“Schwarz…what is *that*?” said the Sgt, as he pointed to the back of my car? “Um….a rubber sheep…I can explain why that’s there….”)

To explain how I’ve stayed out of jail/alive/not beaten up too badly….. I’m funny, so they let me live.

A couple of my personal favorites:

33. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.

34. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.

The 213 Things….

101 Ways To Know Your Software Project Is Doomed

Taken from the blog:

6. Your source code control system is a series of folders on a shared drive

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23. Every bug is prioritized as Critical

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40. The company motto is ‘Do more with less’

41. The phrase ‘It works on my machine’ is heard more than once a day

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72. The deadline has been renamed a ‘milestone’…just like the last ‘milestone’

…

84. All performance issues are resolved by getting larger machines

And of course the obligatory (and applicable):

101. “Oh, oh, and I almost forgot. Ahh, I’m also gonna need you to go ahead and come in on Sunday, too… thanks”

I swear this guy must be working at the same place I am… He’s probably just a cube over…

Click here to read the whole list…

I’m Catholic and work at a church…

…but I think this is absolutely hillarious.

ARGH… I Just Need to Pee…

This is a lawsuit waiting to happen…

Or, a really good opportunity to claim ignorance

Dude, I told you…

Oh Calvin, How I Miss Thee…

Calvin (of Calvin and Hobbes Fame) on Scientific Law

Funny Air Traffic Controller Quotes

http://www.businessballs.com/airtrafficcontrollersfunnyquotes.htm

My favorite quote:

A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower noted: “American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport.”

And for good measure:

Ted Striker: Surely you can’t be serious.
Rumack: I am serious… and don’t call me Shirley.

And…

“There’s a problem in the cockpit!”

“What’s that?”

“A little room at the front of the plane, but that’s not important right now.”

Introducing the latest Apple products to date

Here is a sneak peek of a Steve Jobs keynote introducing Apple’s latest offerings. Think the iPhone was big news? Check out the two newest additions…

http://www.applegazette.com/steve-jobs/madtv-apple-parody-introducingthe-apple-irack/

Thanks to Mark P. for risking life and limb in attaining this footage.

Thanks to MadTV too

Mincemeat and The Imaginary Man – “The Man Who Never Was”

A dead body, secret documents, Operation Husky? Great story about british war tactics during WWII. I believe this is what the book and movie “The Man Who Never Was” was based on. Fascinating. Would it work today?

http://www.damninteresting.com/?p=176

Pointless family photo

The one in the middle is the cutest. She’s got a gorgeous smile

From left to right: Larry, Jessica, Irma, no wait… Larry, Irma, then Jessica, no…that’s not right either… Jessica, Larry, then Irma, then…