Hello?! Is this thing still on?!

So, after nearly four years of calling it quits, this blog has found new life.

And so have I.

A lot has gone on in these last four years… And yet, some things remain constant like Polaris, the Northern Star (which contrary to popular myth is not the brightest star in the night sky). The Sharks still haven’t won a Stanley Cup Championship, I still have a major crush on Hermione Granger (Emma Watson), and Chinese Democracy is somehow still the worst Guns N’ Roses record.

But alas, I am not writing here once again to reclaim the past. In fact, I’m not even interested in the uncertain future (I know this for certain). Nay, I am Back in Black to share with you my very current (and very hot) trip to Vietnam. Join me and my borrowed Canon EOS 7D DSLR Camera as we take you on a most likely confusing photo blog tour of the motherland that I wasn’t born in. Oh, and here’s my big fat disclaimer: I have NO idea how to use a DSLR camera nor do I claim to have any artistic sense: Imagine someone throwing the keys to the Space Shuttle Endeavor at you and asking you to valet park it.

First things first, though: My camera needs a name. I’m feeling Steve, Larry, or Carrie. Throw some names at me.

-JL

The 213 Things Skippy Is No Longer Allowed To Do In The U.S. Army

Taken from Skippy’s blog:

The Skippy List

Explanations of these events:

a) I did myself, and either got in trouble or commended. (I had a Major shake my hand for the piss bottle thing, for instance.)
b) I witnessed another soldier do it. (Like the Sergeant we had, that basically went insane, and crucified some dead mice.)
c) Was spontaneously informed I was not allowed to do. (Like start a porn studio.)
d) Was the result of a clarification of the above. (“What about especially patriotic porn?”)
e) I was just minding my own business, when something happened. (“Schwarz…what is *that*?” said the Sgt, as he pointed to the back of my car? “Um….a rubber sheep…I can explain why that’s there….”)

To explain how I’ve stayed out of jail/alive/not beaten up too badly….. I’m funny, so they let me live.

A couple of my personal favorites:

33. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.

34. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.

The 213 Things….

101 Ways To Know Your Software Project Is Doomed

Taken from the blog:

6. Your source code control system is a series of folders on a shared drive

…

23. Every bug is prioritized as Critical

…

40. The company motto is ‘Do more with less’

41. The phrase ‘It works on my machine’ is heard more than once a day

…

72. The deadline has been renamed a ‘milestone’…just like the last ‘milestone’

…

84. All performance issues are resolved by getting larger machines

And of course the obligatory (and applicable):

101. “Oh, oh, and I almost forgot. Ahh, I’m also gonna need you to go ahead and come in on Sunday, too… thanks”

I swear this guy must be working at the same place I am… He’s probably just a cube over…

Click here to read the whole list…

I’m Catholic and work at a church…

…but I think this is absolutely hillarious.

ARGH… I Just Need to Pee…

This is a lawsuit waiting to happen…

Or, a really good opportunity to claim ignorance 🙂

Dude, I told you…

Oh Calvin, How I Miss Thee…

Calvin (of Calvin and Hobbes Fame) on Scientific Law

Funny Air Traffic Controller Quotes

http://www.businessballs.com/airtrafficcontrollersfunnyquotes.htm

My favorite quote:

A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down. San Jose Tower noted: “American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport.”

And for good measure:

Ted Striker: Surely you can’t be serious.
Rumack: I am serious… and don’t call me Shirley.

And…

“There’s a problem in the cockpit!”

“What’s that?”

“A little room at the front of the plane, but that’s not important right now.”

Introducing the latest Apple products to date

Here is a sneak peek of a Steve Jobs keynote introducing Apple’s latest offerings. Think the iPhone was big news? Check out the two newest additions…

http://www.applegazette.com/steve-jobs/madtv-apple-parody-introducingthe-apple-irack/

Thanks to Mark P. for risking life and limb in attaining this footage.

Thanks to MadTV too 😉

Mincemeat and The Imaginary Man – “The Man Who Never Was”

A dead body, secret documents, Operation Husky? Great story about british war tactics during WWII. I believe this is what the book and movie “The Man Who Never Was” was based on. Fascinating. Would it work today?

http://www.damninteresting.com/?p=176