The 213 Things Skippy Is No Longer Allowed To Do In The U.S. Army

Taken from Skippy’s blog:

The Skippy List

Explanations of these events:

a) I did myself, and either got in trouble or commended. (I had a Major shake my hand for the piss bottle thing, for instance.)
b) I witnessed another soldier do it. (Like the Sergeant we had, that basically went insane, and crucified some dead mice.)
c) Was spontaneously informed I was not allowed to do. (Like start a porn studio.)
d) Was the result of a clarification of the above. (“What about especially patriotic porn?”)
e) I was just minding my own business, when something happened. (“Schwarz…what is *that*?” said the Sgt, as he pointed to the back of my car? “Um….a rubber sheep…I can explain why that’s there….”)

To explain how I’ve stayed out of jail/alive/not beaten up too badly….. I’m funny, so they let me live.

A couple of my personal favorites:

33. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.

34. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.

The 213 Things….

101 Ways To Know Your Software Project Is Doomed

Taken from the blog:

6. Your source code control system is a series of folders on a shared drive

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23. Every bug is prioritized as Critical

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40. The company motto is ‘Do more with less’

41. The phrase ‘It works on my machine’ is heard more than once a day

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72. The deadline has been renamed a ‘milestone’…just like the last ‘milestone’

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84. All performance issues are resolved by getting larger machines

And of course the obligatory (and applicable):

101. “Oh, oh, and I almost forgot. Ahh, I’m also gonna need you to go ahead and come in on Sunday, too… thanks”

I swear this guy must be working at the same place I am… He’s probably just a cube over…

Click here to read the whole list…